“People raised on love see things differently than people raised on survival.” — Joy Marino
We’ve all known people — or been people — that have experienced trauma of some type. It could be a broken home, a lost loved one, abuse of some type, or any other hardship. We know what it is like to go through something difficult and for that pain and suffering to stick with us long after the initial bleeding stops.
What we don’t often consider is the way this type of pain and trauma affects children. Unfortunately, the statistics shed light on the enormous effects of broken homes on children. One journal states that 80% of juvenile court dispositions in 2021 involved young people from broken homes (Torres, 2022). The weight of the world that our children and students carry often goes unnoticed by the adults around them, but as we can see, ignorance has profound consequences.
The Beginning of My Research
My interest in studying trauma and its effects on children began eight years ago when my parents adopted two girls from China. These beautiful girls are now my sisters and two of my greatest friends. Since then, my parents have also adopted a little boy from China, my sweet little boy who is growing up way too fast.
My siblings mean the world to me and have grown to be incredible people. My oldest sister, only a couple years younger than myself, is thriving in college now. The younger two are busy middle schoolers, also very successful. But in these sweet sisters and brother, I can still see their scars.
They bear the same struggles that every child faces after going through something as traumatic as neglect, abuse, and adoption.
These kids serve as the beginning of my inspiration for the work that I am doing. Over time, though, other situations and children solidified my desire to research these topics.
The summer before my senior year of high school, I was the interim camp director at our local YMCA. I loved this job, but I had no idea how this summer would impact me. I met a little boy while I worked there — let’s call him Adam — that I still think about to this day. Him and his sister lived a hard life. At only six-years-old, he lived his life without his mother, who he was legally banned from seeing due to abuse. Adam’s father did his best and truly cared for Adam and his sister, but Adam began to have a lot of behavioral issues. These were made manifest primarily by attempting to hit myself and the counselors, and hiding under tables, refusing to be soothed.
I spent hours sitting on that concrete floor next to him. We wouldn’t talk, I just sat. Eventually, he would always come out and talk to me.
They had never even had a s’more, or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I got to feed them their first s’mores, cooked on the stove top in the kitchen at the Y. I’ll never forget Adam’s little sister’s face when she tried it for the first time. Looking at her tiny face covered in chocolate and sticky marshmallow, my heart broke for her and her brother.
These kids were so broken, but in need of so much love. They acted out, not as an act of aggression but a cry for help. Since that summer, I have seen many more children acting out, getting physically aggressive, and displaying poor behaviors. More often than not, these are all sincere cries for help.
About My Research
My working thesis statement for my research is that there are no โbad kids;โ there are good kids who have had bad things happen to them and/or have made bad choices. This statement, I believe, is also true for adults. I am studying cognitive development and behavioral science and how trauma affects these vital processes in children, causing them (or somehow influencing them) to make poor behavioral choices. As an offshoot to this research, though still connected, I am also studying criminal psychology and the childhoods of public offenders (specifically school shooters and serial killers, as we are unfortunately more familiar with these two types of criminals), and how childhood trauma played a part in them making the decisions they have made. My goal in conducting this type of research is to provide better resources and knowledge for educators, counselors, and other professionals working with children facing trauma to prevent lifelong behavioral issues and decision-making complications. I believe in order to see change in issues such as school shootings and other criminal activities, we have to start at the source โ children and adolescents growing up in the world today.
My siblings’ stories could be much different. They could have gone into the slave system, or if not brought into a loving home, could have grown up to be broken, lost people, making bad choices and suffering the consequences. I think about Adam constantly, wondering how his life is unfolding and if he has gotten the help he needed. We all have a part to play — whether as a parent, an educator, or simply an advocate.
If you have specific questions related to my research, please feel free to contact me at sarah@sebrenton.com. I’d love to discuss this in greater detail.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post!
All the best,
๐ข๐ช๐ป๐ช๐ฑ ๐. ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ท๐ฝ๐ธ๐ท
P.S. I want to make it clear that I am in no way suggesting that children or adults should not be held responsible for their behavior. Actions have consequences, always. Poor behavioral choices should never be excused because someone has had a rough life. What I am encouraging is a softer heart towards the reasoning behind such behaviors. I believe that when we get to the root of the issues, we can prevent further issues from happening, resulting in a better environment for all involved.
P.P.S I also want to emphasize that though this is a passion of mine, I am not always perfect at implementing this in my teaching and day-to-day interactions with students. I have so much to learn, which is another reason why I am conducting this research and want to learn and grow in this.
References
Where are the parents?. City Journal. (2022, July 19). https://www.city-journal.org/article/where-are-the-parents#:~:text=Data%20from%20the%20stateโs%20Juvenile,home%2C%20without%20two%20married%20parents